I Need your Help!

I've decided that I really, really need to change my lifestyle. I am the most unhealthy person you Will EVER MEET. I'm not even joking. Here we go, I'm going to be honest and lay it all out for you, because I feel like I can use this blog to help me grow as a person, but that will only work if I am honest. So here it is.

I smoke. I know this makes me a bad parent. I know it does, and I hate that. I am embarrassed by the fact that I smoke, I don't tell any other moms. I don't smoke in the house, but still. It's in my clothes, the car, and it is SO not setting a good example for my daughter. I did NOT smoke ONE cigarette the whole time I was pregnant, by the way. But, there it is. I smoke, and I hate it, but... I love it, and I have tried to quit sooooo many times. I don't feel like I can handle quitting.

I suffer from depression. I know, don't we all? I have been on and off meds since I was a teenager. I am currently off, and I like it that way. I'm not always depressed, I just occasionally get depressive episodes, and typically in the winter.

I live on Coffee and Mt. Dew. Yeah. I pretty much NEVER drink water. It's so horrible, isn't it? And I love, love, love, love the really unhealthy, fattening sugar filled, flavored lattes. Mmmmm. I am just as much a caffeine addict as I am a nicotine addict.

My eating habits SUCK. I love chocolate, chips, snack foods, foods you can dip, junk food, cheese cake, fast food, french fries.

I get pretty much NO exercise. None. Even when I play Wii I am usually playing Super Mario or Guitar Hero, instead of the active games. I spend too much time playing video games and on the computer. Yes, I work and clean and I do sometimes walk to take photos, and I have been known to hit up an occasional Yoga class, but that's it.

I am 30 years old, my metabolism is going downhill fast, I am 5'4 and I weigh 167 lbs. Do you know how hard it was for me to write that here? My weight?

I want to be skinny, and active. I want to eat healthy, do yoga, have energy. I want to be HEALTHY. I need to change drastically, my WHOLE LIFESTYLE. It isn't going to be easy, I know. So I need you, my loyal readers, to help me... motivate me! Hold me accountable! YELL AT ME!! Give me advice, tips. Tell me about websites, or blogs that will help. Forums or maybe some kind of blogger project I could join in on. SOMETHING!!

Just please, don't tell me about Sparkpeople. I have signed up and I hate it. It's too involved and confusing, too hard for me to keep up with.

I am going to use my blog for keeping track of my progress. Wish me luck!!! I'm gonna NEED IT!!!!


    Do the couch to 5K program. I am so not even kidding. It REALLY helps depression and anxiety (I have both)...I keep track of my progress on Zealog. It really helps me to stay motivated, and I like seeing my numbers go up.
    Out of an intense feeling of solidarity I will confess that I also smoke. Not a lot, but a few every day. I LIVE on Diet Mt Dew. And those Java Monsters? Holy shit, I love them. I have no idea how much I weigh because I haven't stepped on a scale in two years. I think it's better to do this in baby steps. First get active, the rest will come naturally.
    It is awesome to go after this. Just awesome. You'll feel so much better. If you need some extra support, you can email me.
    christielanning at rocketmail dot com.


    Well, rock on! This is a huge step and I say go for it! Writing it down and being honest with yourself helps so use the blog and the support of your readers! You can track your moods, depression, food, exercise.

    Good luck! I am in your corner!


    Good for you! I'm actually thinking I need to get rolling on some sort of plan myself. I'm almost 36, my metabolism is unpredictable and crazy, my eating habits are bad, I hate water, diet pop tastes like cancer, and I miss smoking so much. I have smoked maybe half a pack in the last 9 months, though.



    I totally understand about feeling more depressed in the winter. Especially when there is a foot and a half of snow on the ground and just doing a simple errand like going to the store takes all kinds of preparation. It makes me want to never leave my house, which means I am cooped up thinking WAY too much about all the things that are NOT right in my life, instead of actually living my life and being grateful for all the wonderful things that I DO have.

    I used to smoke. Quitting was THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. I had a lot of support from friends (that didn't smoke) and cold turkey was the only way for me. A coworker of mine is trying to quit right now and is using the patch to keep her sane. Being around other people that DON'T smoke will help. I won't lie though, every now and then I still have one. Mostly when I'm out drinking with friends. Even though it is REALLY hard to quit, once you do it you will feel SO GOOD about yourself.

    Also as for drinking water.... HUGE problem for me. While I don't drink soda, I am a LOVER of all things coffee. And the fact that my "coffee" is pretty much sugary milk with a little coffee flavor in it doesn't help. BUT one thing that has worked for me is this... instead of trying to drink a certain number of glasses each day I got a BIG water bottle and drink one of them a day. I think it's like a liter maybe. It's not as much water as recommended, but it's more then none and drinking ONE big bottle is easier for me then SEVERAL small glasses!

    The point here is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I really enjoy reading your blog, I love the comments that you leave on mine, and I admire your ability to really open up on here. I wish that I could do the same on my blog.

    Take baby steps.
    Set your own pace.
    You are headed in the right direction! You should be proud of yourself.


    PS~ Sorry for the ridiculously long comment! Didn't really realize it was so long until it actually posted!


    I think it is wonderful that you are aware of changes that you want to make in your life. I would suggest by just cutting back, you know? Give yourself a limit of how many coffees or sodas you can have in a day, or in a week... When you find something you want to take a picture of, park a ways off, and make yourself walk to it, and then walk back to the car. Start small, make changes you can live with, and then move on from there. We are here to cheer you on!


    Hey pull yourself up.
    You may think its difficult but its not.
    My father in law used to smoke for 40 years but he just chucked it off one fine day (just like that)
    Ahmem ..... you don't have to wait that long.


    I am so with you. On the smoking...I never smoked but both of my parents did. my dad smoked about 2 packs a day. But when HE was ready he quit. It has to be something you want to do or it just doesnt work. And he had smoke for like 40 years...so it is something you can handle, you just have to be ready. I believe the same is true for eating healthy and exercising...and definitely something I struggle with every day!


    Oh wow.
    LOL over sparkpeople.
    I used to smoke. I gave it up so many times and went back so many. But finally I gave it up for good. What worked for me who couldn't bear the thought of not smoking was to take a whole carton. Take two if you are a heavy smoker. Sounds like you are not. Smoke the whole carton one after the other. If you start vomiting, keep smoking. I did that one night and when I woke up, I absolutely could not tolerate the smell of the cigarettes. I had to clean the whole house and it was 10 years until I could tolerate the smell a little. I get a migraine if I'm around smoke now.
    I would say do one little thing that you can stick with.
    Sending best wishes.


    ooh...i need a motivator, too! let's do it for one another! i joined gyminee or something like that (has a new name now) that was supposed to be an online record of this stuff...i need lists and accountability myself for motivation...i was going to encourage you by saying that small things can make a HUGE difference...like drinking lots of water, cutting out soda and just cutting the flavoring out of lattes and using a healthier sugar equivalent...i also noticed when i eat enough protein i don't crave as much sugar (a huge weakness for me)...so i would just replace your vices with healthier versions...i don't exercise, either, but my new goal is to go on a 45 minute "brisk" walk every morning when i first get up before i have excuses not to do it...the times i do this have been huge for my energy and my depression (i suffer from this, too and agree with you it is better w/o meds unless you REALLY need them...otherwise i just felt numb and not myself but not "happy" per se) another topic...enjoying your blog and sorry i'm so behind!


    I seriously have this conversation with myself almost daily. I'll be good a few days and then it is like I lose my mind or something. I love food. I hate exercise. I want to be skinny and live a long time. Good luck!!