I Am Java Mama

I mean this in the most literal sense, not figuratively. I really, really want to fly. I have wanted to fly since I was a kid, or at the very least since my early teens. Lately I have been obsessing about it even more than usual. I am 30 years old now, I can't bear the thought of being 90 and laying on mu death bed filled with regrets of all the things I never did. There was a quote I heard somewhere, a long time ago, I'm not sure where I heard it, and it went something like this: When I am an old woman, lying on my death bed, I would rather regret the things I did than the things I didn't do. Or something like that, I'm paraphrasing there. You get the idea, though.

And you know what? I am GOING to fly. I am.

There are a few road blocks, sure. Money is the biggest issue. Flight school is expensive. I would be willing to take that chance, sign up and pay as I go... a class here and there every so often, a little at a time. It might take me longer, sure. But I would be DOING it.

Another issue would be my husbands fear of heights and flying. Sure, he wouldn't be the one in the airplane, but I think he tends to project his fear onto me, or to fear FOR me, and his fear translates itself to a fear of losing ME. Which I completely understand, I get it. He is my husband, he loves me, he cares about me, he wouldn't want to lose me to his biggest fear. He won't tell me no, he knows better than to stand in my way or "forbid" me from doing anything. He would worry, but he would be ok, he would deal with it. Would it make me a selfish bitch if I did it anyway?? He doesn't want to stand in the way of my dream, but I know he doesn't want me to do it. How selfish would I be to do it anyway? This is a toughie because yes, I love my husband, and yes, I respect him. But this is a dream I have had forever! And yes, I could die in plane crash, but you know what? I could die in a car crash, I could get hit by a bus, I could get cancer....

The rest of my family for the most part knows this dream of mine. Maybe not so much my in laws, but my parents do. My father is more supportive than my mother, which is typically the case... but that's a another blog post, for another day. They do feel it would be foolish to spend that kind of money, when we really are not in a place in our lives to be spending that kind of money. Another blog post, for yet another day. I'm pretty sure that a lot of people in my family, my husbands family, would throw their hands in the air at the foolishness of it all. I think I could live with this. But what if it is foolish? Sigh. All I know is, I'm not getting any younger, the years are flying by faster and faster (no pun intended) and it makes me sad, and anxious, and almost more determined than ever.

Even my daughter got freaked out and nervous at the thought of her mother flying an airplane.

I don't want to fly commercial jets. I just want to fly!

They have something called a Discovery Flight, where you go up in a airplane... Probably a Cessna.. with licensed, certified pilot instructor. IT costs around $100 - $150. They let you take control of the airplane, and the flight lasts about an hour. It's something they offer to anyone, mostly for potential students to do before they sign up and commit to anything, to make sure they like it. I will like it, I just know it. I will LOVE it. This is something I am definitely, 100% for sure doing this spring. Worst case scenario, I never overcome all the road blocks but I do the discovery flight. Then I have flown an airplane, I can cross it off my bucket list, even if it was just a one time deal.

I'm not too down with worst case scenarios, though. ;)