Having a bad day! :(
Thursday, March 11, 2010 by Mandy (ZenMonkeyMind)
Today is SUCKING.
First of all, I am majorly PMSing. Crampy, bloated, feeling moody... very moody! I feel fat and my self esteem is taking a nose dive like you would not believe. Whch is NOT helping with the whole no smoking thing. No, I haven't smoked. And no, I am NOT GOING TO. But it just sucks so much worse today. I keep telling myself that I will feel this way regardless of whether or not I light up, because I do EVERY month, even when I WAS smoking. But God, I miss being able to step out on the front porch when I feel this shitty to light up that cigarette.
Secondly, I wanted to go to the gym today, and do an hour of cardio. It's in my goal section for today, on my work out schedule, and I didn't. I felt to crappy,and I was SO exhausted I felt like I hadn't slept in weeks. After my daughter got on the bus for school, I came home and took a nap. I wa out like a light. I don't feel too guilty about this, because I DID go to the gym yesterday and it's not like I have to work out every single day, but... still. I guess I needed that nap. But I feel like crap about it for some reason. And I noticed I have better days, a better mood, and less cravings when I go to the gym. I really don't think I could have done it, I wanted to, I SO wanted to, but I just couldn't.
Thirdly, it's BEAUTIFUL outside. this is suppose to be a GOOD thing. But you know what? Since I didn't go anywhere, I had no way of enjoying it! Because I couldn't go and sit on the porch and enjoy my smoke and nice weather! I couldn't go outside and just sit there and enjoy it WITHOUT SMOKING. It was way, way too much of a trigger. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I have been waiting for weather like this for so long, and I was cooped up in the damn house!! I feel like I am being gyped.
You have no idea how bad I wish I never, ever would have started smoking in the first place. Because this? Is awful. AWFUL.
Lastly, I have to work tonight. I don't feel good, I don't want to work, and work is going to be rough like it was the other night, as far as triggers go, again. And I feel less ready for them than I did the other night.
Another concern I have is, I went a few hours without a patch on today, and those hours were god awful. I did it because I wanted to let the nicotine from the previous patch get out of my system before I put a new one on, so I wouldn't get all sick and dizzy like I did a few days ago. Those hours were so bad, that now I am afraid of ever going without a patch. It's a ten week program, and I know I am only in my first week. But what if it's still that bad after 10 weeks??
My biggest fear is that this will never get easier. I have heard stories about people who crave cigarettes 10 years after they quit. My God, am I really going to have to deal with this the rest of my LIFE???
OK. I'm done with my pity party now. Sigh.
First of all, I am majorly PMSing. Crampy, bloated, feeling moody... very moody! I feel fat and my self esteem is taking a nose dive like you would not believe. Whch is NOT helping with the whole no smoking thing. No, I haven't smoked. And no, I am NOT GOING TO. But it just sucks so much worse today. I keep telling myself that I will feel this way regardless of whether or not I light up, because I do EVERY month, even when I WAS smoking. But God, I miss being able to step out on the front porch when I feel this shitty to light up that cigarette.
Secondly, I wanted to go to the gym today, and do an hour of cardio. It's in my goal section for today, on my work out schedule, and I didn't. I felt to crappy,and I was SO exhausted I felt like I hadn't slept in weeks. After my daughter got on the bus for school, I came home and took a nap. I wa out like a light. I don't feel too guilty about this, because I DID go to the gym yesterday and it's not like I have to work out every single day, but... still. I guess I needed that nap. But I feel like crap about it for some reason. And I noticed I have better days, a better mood, and less cravings when I go to the gym. I really don't think I could have done it, I wanted to, I SO wanted to, but I just couldn't.
Thirdly, it's BEAUTIFUL outside. this is suppose to be a GOOD thing. But you know what? Since I didn't go anywhere, I had no way of enjoying it! Because I couldn't go and sit on the porch and enjoy my smoke and nice weather! I couldn't go outside and just sit there and enjoy it WITHOUT SMOKING. It was way, way too much of a trigger. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I have been waiting for weather like this for so long, and I was cooped up in the damn house!! I feel like I am being gyped.
You have no idea how bad I wish I never, ever would have started smoking in the first place. Because this? Is awful. AWFUL.
Lastly, I have to work tonight. I don't feel good, I don't want to work, and work is going to be rough like it was the other night, as far as triggers go, again. And I feel less ready for them than I did the other night.
Another concern I have is, I went a few hours without a patch on today, and those hours were god awful. I did it because I wanted to let the nicotine from the previous patch get out of my system before I put a new one on, so I wouldn't get all sick and dizzy like I did a few days ago. Those hours were so bad, that now I am afraid of ever going without a patch. It's a ten week program, and I know I am only in my first week. But what if it's still that bad after 10 weeks??
My biggest fear is that this will never get easier. I have heard stories about people who crave cigarettes 10 years after they quit. My God, am I really going to have to deal with this the rest of my LIFE???
OK. I'm done with my pity party now. Sigh.
Posts
Many hugs, friend. Sometimes you just have those days: you have to rest. It DOES get easier. You may want to have a cigarette 10 years from now, but you'll be able to handle it. You'll get better and better at handling the cravings.
It DOES get easier. I promise.
You're doing amazing. Give yourself the right to throw yourself the pity party when needed :)
oh, i totally get that whole "wish i never started" thing. dammit, i LOVED SMOKING. i wish i had never, EVER lit that first one.
the first couple of times that i tried to quit with the patch, i only wore it during the day; never to bed. this last time, when i finally quit, i wore the patch 24/7. since this is the recommended way for some smokers, i don't think it's necessary to give yourself a few hours between patches. once you take the patch off, nicotine is not being absorbed through your skin. i don't know how long it takes for the nicotine that is in your sub-cutaneous layer to fully be absorbed, but i don't think it's anything to be worried about. i think the only time you'd need to worry about that is if you were going to take your patch off and HAVE A SMOKE, which you're NOT, so you don't need to worry about waiting a few hours between patches. check with a pharmacist if you're unsure about anything.
i feel your pain. you'll get through it. when i was going through it, my method of dealing with things was to silently pout and fume in my head about how effing UNFAIR life was being to me.
it WILL get easier.
You can do it!! It might get a little worse, before it gets better. I know that about a weekish after I quit is when I feel the worst. Do you get wicked dreams with the patch? My husband always did. Luckily, I didn't. Mine are bad enough as it is. You may find you don't even have to do the whole 10 week program. My husband and I have quit together a few times. Because one or the other starts smoking again. Ugh We always buy one box of patches and share them. He gets 4, I get 3. The last time I quit was at the end of September and I'm still going strong. We're here supporting you....keep up the awesome work!!
Hang in there! I don't smoke so I can't say I understand exactly what you're going through. But I've tried to give up sugar and coffee on occasions and have SERIOUS withdrawals, headaches, and so on. You can do it. Hang in there.
Sending good thoughts your way for a better day tomorrow!!!
Give yourself a pat gurl ..the hardest decision was the decision to quit and you're past that and you'll get past this too .. and you have so many friends to support you :)
So cheer up and if it makes you ne better guess what i asked you your birthday and we share the same birthday ..im jst 2 yrs younger bt 15th jan ..yayyyyyyyyyy !!!
Happy weekend girl
The fact that you slept during your nap makes it seem you needed it. Be kind in your self talk. You are doing a tremendous service for yourself.
I admire your having done the hot yoga. I bet that will be a terrific detox.
The cravings do cycle back on you. I think it helps to know they will come. I've heard some people say they come at longer and longer intervals. The good news is you hold on and they pass. They aren't constant all the time, like when you first give it up.
I haven't smoked since 1986. I used to think by the time I am old there will be a healthy cigarette and I will smoke again. Lately I am sickened by cigarette smoke so much I don't even want a healthy one, if there were such a thing.
A few times I dreamed I smoked and I woke up horrified till I realized it was only a dream.
When my dad tried to quit smoking, I told him to think of licking ashtrays whenever he craved a cigarette. He said that he actually stooped to do it once--and that was it. He was cured.
Don't know if that would work for you, but I thought I would throw it out there.
You're doing amazing. Give yourself the right to throw yourself the pity party when needed :)
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