I Am Java Mama

New Blog!!!!!

2011-02-22T12:57:00.001-05:00

Hey, everyone... if anyone will even SEE this...

I am blogging again, but I am over here now:

Cars On a Cable

So, if you followed me here, and you want to follow me again, please head over there and follow me. It's NEW and let me tell you, A LOT has changed in my life in the past year or so.

I am working on getting links up to all the blogs I used to follow and love. So head on over and say Hi :)

So, Um, Hi...

2010-05-09T20:41:00.003-04:00

Give me a second to blow the dust off of this blog.

OK. That's better.

So, are you still here? Anyone still with me? I'm not abandoning this blog, I swear. I just haven't been able to write. I don't know why. I have a lot to say, I just haven't been able to say it. Sigh.

Let me get you all caught up with my life. Not too much has changed, really. I am still not smoking. I'm also off of the patch! So, no more icky nicotine in my system. I'm pretty crazy happy and proud of myself, really. I did it.

I've taken up running. Well, sort of. You know I have been talking about it for, like, EVER. I mostly just walk, because I'm kind of sucky with the whole running thing at this point. I should follow the couch to 5k thing I have been wanting to follow, but for right now I am just doing it for me. I don't want anything to follow or stick with, I want to go out with just myself and my music, and walk. Run when I can. Try to run more each time. But at the very least, walk.

I haven't been going to the gym as much, I blame the nice weather. Who wants to be stuck indoors in a stuffy, sweaty, boring old gym when you can be in the sun, walking or running under the endless blue sky? Not me. I am going to the gym tomorrow night, for kickboxing that I have missed the past few weeks. MIGHT stay for the yoga class afterward. We'll see how I feel. Don't want to overdo it, but I have been wanting to really get back into the yoga thing.

I've been reading some books about Zen Buddhism. I love the concept. Might have to read more.

I've been practicing playing my guitar... and got a NEW guitar! It's pink and sparkly and beautiful and I love it. Acoustic. I suck at playing, but I love it.

So, that's life in a nutshell. I guess. I really, really need to write more often.

Happy, Happy, Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful Mama's out there <3

Hello? Is this thing on?

2010-04-12T18:00:00.004-04:00

Oh hey, look, my blog still works! Even after weeks of neglect. Go figure.

I've been very absent, in case you noticed. A lot going on. I really need to start blogging again, more regularly. I think I can, now. There have been so many cobwebs in my mind, does that make sense? I have been on twitter and facebook and flickr, but for some reason just had this mental block about blogging.

In a way I wish I could make this blog more, I don't know, private. I have been feeling a little paranoid lately. But I don't want to do that, it defeats the purpose in a way.

I have so much to blog about! I'm still not smoking, I have cheated on my diet, I haven't been going to the gym quite as often as I'd like, but kickboxing tonight so hopefully I will get out of that slump! My family and I went to New York City and it was AWESOME, I've cut all ties with my sister and my parents and I have been fighting about it, I've been getting panic attacks, I've been in and out of a crazy depressed sort of funk, seeing a shrink again, the list goes on and on.

I'm feeling a little sad even as I type this. Hoping the kickboxing will take care of that.

I've been trying to do more reading, I'm planning on another attempt at a vegetable garden this summer. So many things to blog about!!

I am back, for good, I promise. I can't wait to get caught up on my favorite blogs out there, too. I always find inspiration, things I can relate to, etc.

For now, I'm off to kickbox this damn depression right out of me!

I'm Still Here!

2010-03-24T23:31:00.002-04:00

I know I haven't been blogging every day anymore, but don't worry, I'm not going anywhere! A lot has been going on, I've been soooo busy, and stressed out and dealing with a lot. A lot of emotional roller coaster rides.

Things have gotten worse as far as my sister goes. Turns out, it's Heroin we are dealing with, for sure. Which is just, heart breaking. I'm having issues with my parents being enablers, too. I have so much to say about all of this, but It's late and I am exhausted. I am going to take some time to sit down and write a more detailed blog post about it tomorrow, for sure. Because I have a lot to say, and I need to sort it out, and write about it.

I will say this: I am still smoke free! So that's a plus for sure. It hasn't been easy, given all the stress these days. There's no way I am going back now.

Well, I need to get some sleep. Hopefully.

Well, Hello There, Blog!

2010-03-19T22:43:00.003-04:00

I haven't updated in a while, I think I needed a break from blogging for a few days. Since, you know, I totally blew NaBloPoMo for March. Oh well!!

Just some random bits and pieces tonight. It's Day 13! It hasn't been easy, not smoking. There have been so many moments that I wanted to smoke, SOOOO bad. This second week that is wrapping up was harder than the first week. I still feel confident, and happy that I made it through the rough spots. All this stress in my life, wow. I have been trying to think of other ways I can deal with things like stress, anger, frustration, even boredom. What do non-smokers DO with themselves?? I'm so used to lighting up that cigarette, now I feel like... I have nothing, no coping mechanism at all. I've been so crabby on and off... but mostly ON. My poor hubby, he has taken a lot of crap and attitude from me. I'm happy he puts up with it, haha.

I feel like I have also slacked off a little bit on the whole healthy lifestyle, working out thing, too. But, I'm forgiving myself for that. I may have slacked off, but I have NOT abandoned it completely. I am still doing my best right now. I have noticed that on the days I work out, I feel a million times better. The days I do NOTHING are awful. The exercise keeps me going throughout the day, I mean the whole day is just... better. This is wonderful, because it makes for great motivation. So, no, I did not go to the gym as often as I wanted to this week. But yes, I went. And while I have been eating healthy A LOT, and I'm still not drinking pop, I have "cheated" a few times. Small bag of chips here, burger from Red Robin there, and even a few mallow cups.

But it's ok. Because over all, I am still doing so much better than I was a few months ago. Worlds better. AND I'M NOT SMOKING. That's the important thing. If I am going to waver a bit on anything, because yes I have taken on A LOT of changes at once, I don't want that thing to be the smoking. So, I am ok with this.

I have a lot of ideas and plans to help keep me on track, too. I downloaded some podcasts, things like Mediation, guided meditation, positive affirmations. It all sounds very corny, but It will help. I need to find alternative ways of dealing with stress, sadness, anger, etc.

Also, I am going to be doing my grocery shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joes. Experimenting with new, different healthy alternatives. Trying new things I can get hooked on that are healthy for me. And, I finally got a Wii Fit!! Yay! I am SO excited about this. We just got it tonight, and my whole family has been having a blast playing. SO MUCH FUN. On the days I just can't push myself to go to the gym, I will have this. It's something. I will get some sort of activity in every day.

As for all the drama with my sister, not too much has changed. She is still staying, well, wherever it is that she is staying. We aren't even sure. She is still mostly avoiding my parents, my family, her husband, and reality in general. I'm very concerned. She isn't even going to be at my parents house for our annual St. Patrick's Day feast this Sunday.

My parents have stated that they are no longer going to make her car payments, and since she has no job I have a feeling it won't be long until she is without a car. Things will get worse for her, but we are hoping this will bring her to a point where she has no other option but to seek help.

Well, I hope everyone out there in bloggy land has a great weekend, I'm sure as hell going to try!!

Dirty Laundry

2010-03-16T11:50:00.007-04:00

I am going to write a lot of stuff right now that I should not write. I shouldn't write it, because this is such a public place, and it isn't MY dirty laundry to air. But it effects ME, and I need to do this, as tactfully and privately as I can. I won' be using any real names, and as far as I know people who know me, and my family, in real life don't read this blog.

I don't even know where to start, so this may be a little disorganized and fractured. It's also going to be a long, long story.

I have a sister, 1 sister. We'll call her T. My only sibling. She is 3.5 years younger than I am. She will be 27 next month. When we were kids, we were close. Typical siblings... we played together, talked, were best friends AND worst enemies. We fought like, well, like siblings do.

As we got older, we drifted apart. I made some mistakes. I was depressed and rebellious as a teenager, moved out of the house and in with a boyfriend the month I turned 18. I feel I had been getting a lot of the attention from my parents, because she was the good girl and I had issues. Her and my mother had always been close. I think they became even closer when I ran away. I put them through a lot, and my sister left there, having to deal with their worry and what I was putting them through. She was also there, the only one now, to get more attention.

To make a long story short, I eventually came to my senses, mended my relationship with my parents, had my daughter, got married. My sister was older now, doing her own thing. I feel like the gap between us was just too large, our lives too different, we never really got back to being close. We tried a few times.

My sister only really ever had 2 major relationships. She may have dated here and there between these 2, I don't really know. But only 2 of these relationships were ever serious. One was with her high school boyfriend, F. They were together for a long time, as far as teen age romances go. F was in a band, and my sister learned to play guitar, and music became a major part of her life. Eventually F started getting into drugs. I'm not just talking about smoking a little pot now and then. I'm talking Heroin. She was worried and freaked out, and eventually broke up with him because she didn't like this. She was still very, very young. I can't remember the age, but she was still in high school. So they broke up, and eventually F ended up moving to Texas to go to rehab. (And, a few years ago, he died. OD'ed on heroin).

Fast forward a few years, my sister starts dating D, another member of the band. D is a drummer. Him and my sister get serious, she is playing guitar, they have a band.

One day, my sister comes over to my place. She is now out of high school, my daughter was about 1 year old, so this is going back about 8 years ago. She starts to tell me that her and D have been experimenting with drugs. Mostly Ecstasy, I think she mentioned Acid. Then she told me she tried coke. So I, of course, become very concerned. At the time I was taking some psychology and sociology classes, we covered drugs, I knew how addictive and dangerous these were.

Always having felt like the black sheep of the family for doing things like cutting school in Jr. High, and drinking a little too much in Art school, I am shocked that my "goody goody" sister is into this stuff. So, out of concern, I turn to my parents. Yes, I ratted her out. I was worried. She was an adult now, barely, but an adult and not living at home. I wasn't trying to get her in trouble, or make her look bad. I was genuinely concerned. I printed some info about the drugs she mentioned and showed them to my parents.

They talked to her about it, and she denied everything. Downplayed it. Said she tried something once and hated it, blah blah blah. They believed her. She hated me. Wouldn't talk to me for a long, long time.

Eventually we got over that. Fast forward a few years later. She is working at the same job for years, got promoted to a management position, her and D finish school, D gets an ok job, they get married. Then things start falling apart.

They get hooked on painkillers. This is about a year or two ago. I'm still not sure if that is all they were on, but anyway, they tell my parents because they need help. My parents fork over money for them to go to therapy and get medicine, called suboxone, to help them get over withdrawals. they go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, etc. My sister starts saying they can only get Suboxone from a certain doctor who only takes cash, they are getting a ton of help from my parents at this point. Then, supposedly, they ween themselves off, and from I understand, quit going to NA meetings. Things go downhill.

It starts with my sister losing her job, Then job after job after job after job. D somehow keeps his, but she is going from one place to another, things like pizza delivery to fast food to waitressing. Can't keep a job very long at all. I see her, and she looks awful. Skinny, TOO skinny. I start to think they are high when I see them. I realize the type of people they hang out with are no good. I express my concern to my parents, who continue to be in denial. Oh sure, sometimes they suspect something, but they confront them and they deny it and my parents believe it, maybe as a defense mechanism. I'm getting more and more worried, more and more frustrated. My sister and D are having money issues. No food in the house, they cancel their cable and internet, they have no phone except prepaid phones they never have minutes for, they are BROKE. Even with no bills, they never seem to have enough money for anything. Where is it going??

Then, something traumatic happens. My sister has this best friend, we will call her S. S is hanging out and my sister and D's apartment. Hanging out late, until like 12 or 1AM. S leaves, goes home. My sister is suppose to hang out with her the next day. S has a little toddler and a boyfriend. S has no car, so HAS to be home, but my sister and S's boyfriend can't get a hold of her. My sister and S's boyfriend arrive at S's apartment, worried. they find S, and she is dead. She was like, 24. She died in her sleep sometime right after hanging out with my sister. I suspected drug overdose. My sister would never say.

I went over to see my sister, and she looked even worse than ever. Unhealthy skinny, sunken eyes, bones jotting out everywhere. Awful.

Again, I try to talk to my parents. Futile.

Fast forward to this past Xmas. My sister and D show up, unable to bring xmas gifts because they have no money, but high as kites. Their eyes, the way they acted, it was awful, and so obvious. To all of us. Even my parents. Nothing is said to them that night. We all could tell, we all talked about it. My parents tried confronting them again, still, denial denial denial.

My sisters car gets repossessed. My parents bail her out, again. She loses another job. Can't find any jobs at all now. D finally lost HIS job, too. And now, this morning, what I find out.

My sister and D were going to be moving into my parents basement on April 1st, I suspect because they were evicted from their apartment. Suddenly, my sister goes missing. D is calling my parents and acting all crazy, saying my sister is hanging out with shady people and some guy he thinks she is cheating on him with. He follows her, he follows this guy, he calls my parents. They can't a hold of her for the longest time, they finally do. She says D is crazy and acting aggressive, she is scared so she is staying with friends. They both start telling my parents things about each other. He says she was in a car with these people and they got arrested, a while back, because the cops found Heroin in the car. She says he got a DUI and is a psycho. On and off, for a week, my parents try to track her down. She won't answer her phone, she won't talk to D, D is getting crazier and crazier. D starts threatening suicide, threatening my sister, it gets bad. So my parents tell D they are coming over. D says ok, he will be there.

They get there and he doesn't answer the door. They bang and bang, pound on the door, practically pound it down, nothing. They are worried, so they call the police, and finally get a hold of my sister again. She is out running around, staying with God knows who doing God knows what, won't come and deal with this at all. My parents have to deal with it. The police come, get inside, He is in there. Obviously on something. EMT's come, he goes to the hospital, where he still is right now.

I don't know if it was a suicide attempt, or if he was just ON something, but he was out of it. Meanwhile, my parents can sometimes get a hold of my sister, and most of the time can't. She won't come to their house, won't come talk to them. People from hospital are calling my parents because they can't a hold of her, she is his wife. The rest of his family is nuts and he is estranged from them.

Their apartment is going to be locked on April 1st, and they have all their stuff in there, while D is in hospital and my sister is off somewhere being crazy. My parents are trying to get her to go there and pack, and they will help and come live with them. She is hiding out, doing whatever it is she is doing, with some guy and some not so great people. Avoiding everything.

My parents are so stressed out, so worried. So not in denial anymore. My dad was crying, his blood pressure is sky high, and they can't get a hold of her, again.

And me? I am so done being concerned and worried, now I am MAD. Angry because my father might have a heart attack over all of this, mad that we are all going through this, mad because she won't just admit she has a problem. Mad, because she is lucky... she has a support system here, parents who would be willing and able to help. Help her get into rehab, whatever she needs. And she doesn't seem to care. She is killing herself, and it's killing my parents, and putting stress on all of us. I'm very worried about my father. I want my daughter to have her PaPa. I want my daughter to have her Aunt. This is awful.

She is being selfish and she needs to grow up, admit she has a problem, get help, deal with what is going on in her life right now. If you can even call it a life.

I thought seeing the body of her dead best friend would be rock bottom. I don't know what rock bottom is. I want my parents to stop enabling, but they won't. Can't. She is their daughter. As a parent, I get this. But what can we do?

I have stayed out of it as much as I can. Well, I just wrote her an email, expressing my concern and my anger. Telling her that her choices are effecting everyone, not just herself.

And my heart is racing, I hate confrontation, she is going to hate me. But I don't care. I'm so sick of this. And I don't know what to do, I don't think there is anything I can do. This sucks.

So, there it is. Nothing more I can say I guess. And maybe it was a bad idea for me to write this all here. But I could use advice, I guess.

My sister (back) and I (front) at her wedding:

I just want everything to be ok, you know? :(

I Suck. Then again, I don't.

2010-03-14T21:12:00.003-04:00

So, I suck at reading and commenting on blogs, at least lately. Also, I suck at project 365, as I have failed that miserably. Such a shame, I went so long into it, too! Bah.

But, I don't suck at NaBlogPoMo, I don't suck at quitting smoking, and I don't suck at sticking to my new healthy lifestyle (for the most part).

So, go me, I guess!

Oh Yeah, I'm the QUEEN!

2010-03-13T22:09:00.003-05:00

Short post today! First of all, thank you so much Kortney from In The Mix for my latest award! HAHA, I totally LOVE this one. I DO love to vent on my blog, after all! It's great therapy! I just can't believe there are people out there who enjoy reading my rants and whining so much. I'm glad, though.

Well, in just a little over an hour I will officially hit the one week smoke free mark. Yay! Here's to hoping that next week goes better than this week, though honestly It could have been worse, I suppose.

The kiddo is off at a sleepover at her cousins house, so hubby and I are going to snuggle up and watch a movie, and then bed time as I have a sort of early and not very fun morning to deal with tomorrow.

Hoping to finally catch up with all your wonderful blogs at some point tomorrow, too!

Yay for Better Days!

2010-03-12T22:09:00.002-05:00

Today was SO much better than yesterday. WHEW.

Thanks you so much for all of your support!! I check my comments from my phone, and you have no idea how much they really do help. For real. I only feel bad that I have been busy and distracted, and haven't been able to catch up with all of YOUR lives, and leave all of YOU wonderful comments, as you've done for me.

I am sure that today ended up being better because I went to the gym. I did strength training and cardio, I worked hard, and my spirits were lifted. My mood was better, I had more energy, and the cravings were barely noticeable. This is how I know I am not making too many changes at once, I am making all the right changes at the right time. Eating healthy and exercising feel good. If I wasn't doing that, I am pretty sure most of my days would be like yesterday.

speaking of eating healthy, I stocked up on more veggies today. I love raw sugar snap peas, radishes, and some baby carrots. OH and some grain corn chips, the healthiest I could find, for when I really need a crunchy chip type snack. AND the most delicious, all natural, healthy, 10 cals per serving green salsa. SO. GOOD.

I know I will have bad days again. In fact, I'm pretty sure this Sunday will be one of them. I have to go to work early, on a day I would have had off, for a meeting and then to CLEAN. And my boss is bringing in DONUTS. Uggh. Haha. But, I survived yesterday. It didn't kill me, it ended, it passed, and I'm still here going strong. So I have that mindset to carry with me through however many bad days may come my way, as I rid my body of this evil, EVIL! Nicotine monster.

Oh, and one more thing. I have decided that when my 10 weeks on the patch is up, I am going to indulge in a HOT yoga class. You know, where they spike the temp up to like, 115? I'm not kidding. I've done it before, and it's hard, but it is WONDERFUL, and coupled with plenty of water what a great way to cleanse the remaining toxicn-ness (is that a word? It is now!) out of my system. Not only will it be goodbye icky cigarettes, it will be goodbye nicotine. For GOOD.

Having a bad day! :(

2010-03-11T15:47:00.002-05:00

Today is SUCKING.

First of all, I am majorly PMSing. Crampy, bloated, feeling moody... very moody! I feel fat and my self esteem is taking a nose dive like you would not believe. Whch is NOT helping with the whole no smoking thing. No, I haven't smoked. And no, I am NOT GOING TO. But it just sucks so much worse today. I keep telling myself that I will feel this way regardless of whether or not I light up, because I do EVERY month, even when I WAS smoking. But God, I miss being able to step out on the front porch when I feel this shitty to light up that cigarette.

Secondly, I wanted to go to the gym today, and do an hour of cardio. It's in my goal section for today, on my work out schedule, and I didn't. I felt to crappy,and I was SO exhausted I felt like I hadn't slept in weeks. After my daughter got on the bus for school, I came home and took a nap. I wa out like a light. I don't feel too guilty about this, because I DID go to the gym yesterday and it's not like I have to work out every single day, but... still. I guess I needed that nap. But I feel like crap about it for some reason. And I noticed I have better days, a better mood, and less cravings when I go to the gym. I really don't think I could have done it, I wanted to, I SO wanted to, but I just couldn't.

Thirdly, it's BEAUTIFUL outside. this is suppose to be a GOOD thing. But you know what? Since I didn't go anywhere, I had no way of enjoying it! Because I couldn't go and sit on the porch and enjoy my smoke and nice weather! I couldn't go outside and just sit there and enjoy it WITHOUT SMOKING. It was way, way too much of a trigger. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I have been waiting for weather like this for so long, and I was cooped up in the damn house!! I feel like I am being gyped.

You have no idea how bad I wish I never, ever would have started smoking in the first place. Because this? Is awful. AWFUL.

Lastly, I have to work tonight. I don't feel good, I don't want to work, and work is going to be rough like it was the other night, as far as triggers go, again. And I feel less ready for them than I did the other night.

Another concern I have is, I went a few hours without a patch on today, and those hours were god awful. I did it because I wanted to let the nicotine from the previous patch get out of my system before I put a new one on, so I wouldn't get all sick and dizzy like I did a few days ago. Those hours were so bad, that now I am afraid of ever going without a patch. It's a ten week program, and I know I am only in my first week. But what if it's still that bad after 10 weeks??

My biggest fear is that this will never get easier. I have heard stories about people who crave cigarettes 10 years after they quit. My God, am I really going to have to deal with this the rest of my LIFE???

OK. I'm done with my pity party now. Sigh.

Hey, Look What I Got!

2010-03-10T20:57:00.004-05:00

I'm the "Qwitter" of the week on Twitter! @ciggybuttz gave me this certificate. How cool is that?

Paper Jams & Other Triggers

2010-03-10T15:37:00.003-05:00

Well, last night was my first night at work as a non-smoker. It went... ok. I mean, I didn't smoke or anything, but it was a little rough at times. I was working in the photo lab of a local camera shop, and I kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and drive me crazy. Like, when the printer jams. This is the most frustrating ever for me, I just hate it! Or that all the paper would run out and I'd have to keep changing it, which can be a huge pain in the butt. Or the most annoying, or most difficult customers would come in. Or we'd be super busy and it would be super stressful, or we would be super slow and I would be super bored.

I'm so use to smoking there, because I could go out back and take a short little smoke break whenever I wanted to. There was a whole different set of triggers there... like, at 6:00 pm I almost always went out and had one. If the paper would jam in the printer, I would go out and have on and THEN come in and deal with it. This is a super annoying situation, because when one of our monster photo printers jams it isn't like when the little office printer jams... it's a pain to fix, you have do a million things, and you feel rushed because you are trying to get customers orders done in a certain amount of time.

It jammed, of course.

Another trigger: The difficult customer. The one who gets mad at you when their pictures turn out crappy, even though it was the picture itself and not anything you did, and there isn't anything you can do to make it better. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked if we can make an out of focus picture look more in focus. No, we can't. Or the customer who messed something up when ordering, and then expects you to get their new prints out in 10 minutes instead of an hour because they already waited an hour for their original, messed up order.

I always go for a smoke after dealing with these, and a few other, difficult people.

Or when it gets super busy, and you finally have a dead moment so you run out back real quick and come back in feeling better and ready to handle anything lse that comes your way.

The list goes on and on.

The printer jammed. The paper ran out, and that is a huge and kind of heavy cartridge that needs to be changed in an uncomfortable squatting position on the floor in the dark. Good times!! I had one sort of annoying customer, we got busy for a bit... right after I called and ordered my sushi and needed to pick it up. So I was busy and stressed and hungry, and my sushi was sitting out on the counter at the Japanese restaurant probably going very bad, and I couldn't leave the store to get it, and I couldn't have a smoke so omg what was I going to DO with myself??

Then it got kind of slow, and I was bored and wanted to smoke because I was bored! Haha.

My co-worker that night is an ex-smoker, who was happy to hear that I quit. I think it really helped having him there, he was a very nice distraction. I think he kept coming in and helping me with the orders, and talking to me, to help me through it. Very supportive, so that was a plus.

By the end of the night, I was so proud... I did it! t was honestly the first time I had to deal with even a little bit of stress since quitting. And I did it, and I feel like since I made it through that then that means hey, I really CAN handle this!

Not only just at work, but the whole day for was filled with more frequent and more intense cravings. I got pretty crabby by the end of the day.

Today has been GREAT. I went to the gym and really, really had an amazing work out. I pushed myself harder than ever before, did strength training AND cardio, and I have felt SO much better today than yesterday. In fact, I haven't really had any major cravings at ALL. Which is awesome.

I can't believe it, but I have kept up with eating right, eating healthy, drinking a ton of water, and staying within my allotted calorie amount through all of this. I was worried about the munchies and weight gain with the whole quitting smoking thing. It's working out well, though.

So, here I am, well into Day 4!

She's So Random

2010-03-09T09:49:00.003-05:00

Day 3! I'm on Day 3, smoke free! Woo-hoo, go me! It hasn't been the easiest thing in the world, but not the hardest, either. I did have a problem with the patch yesterday, when I put the new one on I got all sweaty, dizzy, and nauseated. It was NOT fun. I rode it out, it passed in about 15 to 20 minutes, and no problems today. So, that's good.

I got a work out journal! It has a ton of info, I'm learning about WHY the changes I am making are good for me instead of just HOW to make them, the right way to work out, mixing cardio with strength training and flexibility, and everything you ever wanted to know about nutrition. And I can track EVERYTHING. I do mean EVERYTHING. For cardio you can track time, duration, calories burned, how you felt, energy level, depending on what you are doing you can track speed and distance, etc. For strength you keep track of muscles used, weight, reps, sets etc. There are sections for group fitness classes, yadda yadda yadda. And you track everything you eat, servings, calories, protein, carbs, fiber, etc. Oh, and water, and... more. It's very, um, thorough. And it came with STICKERS for when you meet your daily goals. Haha. Love it. It fits in my purse and I'm taking it with me everywhere!

My daughter is following The Iditarod for school. I think this is awesome! Each student picked a musher, and they are tracking their mushers through the race. Hers is Zack Steer, and he WAS in 45th place and last night we checked and he is in 5th! (Uh-Oh, I just checked and now he is in 12th place. She isn't going to be too happy, haha.) She was pretty excited. I love hearing her spout off facts that I didn't know, like that they travel for 1200 miles, where theyleave and where they go, she knows all kinds of cool facts. I love it. I was thinking it wuld be cool to try to figure how to somehow contact her musher, and ask if he would write her a letter all about his experience in the race. Wouldn't THAT be awesome? She would FREAK. Not sure how to go about doing that, though. I will have to do some research on that one!

Yep, So, that's my life in a nutshell right now. Head over to The UnMom for more Random Tuesday fun!

Life!

2010-03-08T20:54:00.000-05:00

So Far, So Good!

2010-03-07T15:59:00.003-05:00

I haven't had a smoke since 11:30 last night!

It isn't easy, but I'm wearing the patch and it could be worse.

The bad news? I had a major diet cheat. Movie Theater Popcorn. With BUTTER. And SNOCAPS. Yes, mixed in with the popcorn. Eeek.

I refuse to feel guilty about that, though. I have been doing really well and I am not going to let that stop me from continuing to do well. I am allowing myself to cheat once in a while. Once in a very LONG while. And today of all days, I deserved an indulgence.

We went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D today! It was SO amazing. I have always loved Alice in Wonderland, and I LOVE Tim Burton, so double win! Maya loved it too. I can't get over how much the 3D technology has improved since I was a kid!

After we went grocery shopping and I stockpiled healthy food. And lots of veggies for when I need to snack. Oooh and my new favorite: Kashi TLC whole grain roasted veggie crackers with laughing cow light/reduced fat cheese spread in Garlic and Herb. SO YUMMY and guilt free (in moderation, of course).

Really looking forward to tomorrow. I am going to keep myself busy during the day with cleaning and laundry, and in the evening I will be hanging out with a good friend of mine, who is NOT a smoker! Yay! We're getting Sushi and then going to the kickboxing class!

Well, here's to the rest of day one. I can do this! One day at a time!

Today is my LAST DAY as a smoker, EVER.

2010-03-06T10:50:00.004-05:00

On the shopping list for today? Nicotine patches, chewing gum, very strong mints, carrot sticks, a stress ball.

Yes, I am taking the plunge. Tonight before bed I will smoke my very last cigarette. Tomorrow, I will wake up in the morning and put on a patch.

some have told me I am making too many changes at once, and I will overload and fail. I don't think so. I need to do this NOW, while I am motivated and ready. It's been over 2 weeks since I have given up pop and most junk food. I have lost 4.5 lbs!! I have been going to the gym regularly, taking kickboxing classes, and it's wonderful. It isn't hard. I LOVE it. I don't miss pop at all, not even a little.

Quitting smoking WILL be hard. But I'm doing so well with everything else, this will keep me motivated. In a few weeks I will be able to BREATHE after kickboxing. My clothes will no longer stink! And the example I am setting for my daughter!

My husband isn't ready to quit yet. Yes, this will make it harder for me, I know. More difficult, but NOT impossible.

I am... nervous as hell, anxious, but excited and determined too.

I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!

It's Follow Me Friday!

2010-03-05T09:21:00.005-05:00

I'm giving this Follow Me Friday thing a shot! I'm always looking for new and interesting blogs to read, what better way to do this? Also, seems like a good way to network with other bloggers! Especially since this is a relatively new blog. If you're here visiting me from the Follow Me Friday site, Welcome! If you like what you see, feel free to follow me, and be sure to let me know so that I can return the favor. To find more about me, you can read this. To ask me me anything, anything at all! Even Anonymously! You can do it here.

That's the link to my formspring me page! All my current readers, you should participate, too! Go on! Ask me anything! It'll be fun. And tomorrow, I will write a blog post that answers all the questions you asked! So go! Ask away! What are you waiting for?? You can also just use that nifty form over there on my sidebar! See, it's so easy! :)

365 photos | Days 59 - 63

2010-03-04T11:35:00.008-05:00

On Sunday, we had some family over for a late lunch/early dinner. Including my adorable niece, Katie! She is 7 months old now, growing too fast because face it, don't they all? She's currently the only baby of the family, in a group of 6 cousins ranging in age from infant to 20 years old.

When Maya was 5, her and I made a paper mache rocket ship. She still ha it! A close up of the paint and sequins. Yes, rocket ships can have sequins, if you are a child - and a mommy - with a big imagination and a lot of creativity!

This is a door hanger on the doorknob of Maya's room. It doesn't really mean anything, as she never just chills in her room, wanting to be undisturbed. The kid has some sort of affliction with having her door closed at all, in fact. I'm sure this will change when she hits those pesky teen years.

Maya's bulletin board. This is where she hangs things that are important to her. Photos, like the one when she went rock climbing in Erie, Picture of her with her friends and family, her favorite zoo animals, pictures of important memories, her presidential fitness award from gym class, gymnastics ribbon, the adoption certificate for the endangered seal she "adopted" along with a picture, concert ticket stubs, hockey game ticket stubs, even her metro pass from when we went to D.C. And a lot more.

Maya loves to read! This is just a (very) small sampling of the books she owns. She has read soooo many books, a fact that makes me so proud! It's one of biggest weaknesses, too. I can never say no when she wants a new book. I think that's a good thing!

Last but not least, Are you on foursquare?? If so, let me know so we can be friends! I need friends!! My page is here, so go add me!

Something For Me, Something For You!

2010-03-03T16:44:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it! I got another award. All I do is come here and write a lot of random thoughts, feelings, and day to day activities, and for some reason people like to come here and read about it! :) I feel so special. This award is from Bubble Boo at The Thought Bubble. Thank You!!

Now, here's the thing. I am going to cheat, break the rules. I know, I know! I hope the blog police don't come after me. I only have a few minutes for this post, and I love ALL of the blogs I read so much. I can't imagine picking only 10, like the rules state. That, and I just don't have time right now! So I'm going to be bad, and say this: I am choosing ALL of the blogs I read!! So here's the deal, if you see your blog listed on my sidebar under Who I'm Stalking, then this award is for YOU! Yes, YOU! Don't be shy, take it! And you can give it to 10 other blogs if you want, or hell, maybe I will be a bad influence and you will just break the rules like me!

Thanks again for the award, Bubble Boo!!

It's Time For... Random Tuesday!

2010-03-02T11:26:00.004-05:00

This makes me think of the kids show icarly, and their infamous RANDOOOOM DAAANCING thing. Have you seen that show? It can be annoying, but it can be funny, too. I love Spencer, though I guess I am a little old for him now. Haha. Well, it's been a while since I have participated in Random Tuesday, and I have a lot of random things to say. So now would be a good time!

My husband is in Boston. He goes there for work sometimes, and it kinda sucks. Luckily, he will be gone until tomorrow night. That's a plus. Too bad I had to get up at 4 freakin' o'clock in the morning to drive him to work to meet the car pool to the airport. Ah, the joys of being a one car family!

I was bad this morning. I had corned beef hash for breakfast. Probably one of the most unhealthy things on the planet, and some might say one of the most disgusting. I'm Irish, what can I say? It's soooo yummy. In my defense, I had a very, VERY small helping of it. And I had an incredible edible egg, too. No toast or juice, coffee and a nice tall glass of water. I feel like If I deprive myself too much I am just setting myself up for failure, ya know? I will behave the rest of the day.

I haven't touched my new guitar yet. It needs new strings. I'm pretty excited still, because I am going to not only be teaching myself, by my daughter as well. Maya has had her own little acoustic guitar for years now, and she wants to learn to play, too. We will learn together!

The local flight training school is having a free learn to fly day! No, you don't get to learn how to fly for free. It's kind of like an open house, and there will be seminars and crap like that. Plus, discounted discovery flights! It isn't until May 15th, but I AM SOOO THERE!

This weekend, I am going to quit smoking. For real. For good.

I have to work tonight, and I can't wait because I have some film I want to process, and because I am going to eat sushi at work. Sushi is uber yummy, and pretty healthy, too!

And that is all for this weeks edition of RAAANDOM TEUSDAAAAAAY!

Kick! Punch!

2010-03-01T21:45:00.003-05:00

I did it, I finally took that kickboxing class! It was AWESOME. I'm so happy I liked it, because I have been wanting to do this for so long. It was sooo much fun, and quite a workout! I kept up pretty well, surprisingly! I have never sweated so much in my entire life, though. What a workout! I am going to go every Monday night.

Notice anything different around here? I mean, other than the fact that my mom blog has little to do with motherhood or my kid, and is turning into more of a health blog?

That's right, I changed the design. Again. I'm fickle like that. I kinda like this one, It's a little more personal, but took quite a bit of tweaking. Which is cool, because that's fun to do.

So obviously, I decided to do NaBloPoMo for March. I mean, why not, right? We'll see how it goes!

Success, Insecurity, and A Crappy Outro

2010-02-28T22:14:00.004-05:00

Hey! guess what! I did it! I posted every day in February for NaBloPoMo!

Granted, most of my posts were pretty lame. I am a blogger, not a writer. A lot of people are both, and I envy those people.

I'm trying to decide if I should do NaBloPoMo for March? I might give it a try, even though I said I wasn't going to.

In other news, I feel kind of bad that I haven't made it back to the gym sine Friday evening. I am going tomorrow, for my very first Cardio Kickboxing class! I'm excited about this. I haven't been doing the strength training as much as I should, and I know it's important. I don't know what my problem is with that. I have this weird insecurity, I feel like such a fool when I am wandering through all the fancy muscle torture machines they have. It's silly, and I know this isn't true, but I can't help but feel like people will be looking at me, and know I don't know what the hell I am doing. Especially the trainer I had my first day there. Like I said, silly, I know. But I picture him watching my every move, and thinking to himself "That's not what I was teaching her! She shouldn't be doing that! I just knew she should have signed up for my services!"

Shaking his head in shame. Being laughed at behind my back by all the gym super stars. People staring at me because I am not "doing it right."

Why am I such a paranoid and insecure freak when it comes to this stuff??

Anyway, I'm not going to let my neurotic ways stop me. Kickboxing tomorrow night, and then during the day Tuesday I will go make a fool of myself with the fancy muscle torture devices. Haha.

So, If I were a writer, as opposed to just a blogger, this is where I would segway into some seamless "outro" to end my post eloquently. Instead, you get this. :)

365 Photo Project - Days 49 - 58

2010-02-27T18:34:00.006-05:00

To see each photo individually, just click on the links below!

1. Day 49/365, 2. Day 50/365, 3. Day 51/365, 4. Day 52/365, 5. Day 53/365, 6. Day 54/365, 7. Day 55/365, 8. Day 56/365, 9. Day 57/365, 10. Day 58/365

In other news, I have a cool button now! So if you like to collect blog buttons and badges, feel free to check out mine on the sidebar and take it. Code provided!

And last but not least, if you like me please go vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs!! All you have to do is click on this link! Thanks! And why am I using to many exclamation points!!!!

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby

2010-02-26T22:52:00.002-05:00

I went to a CLASS today! A fitness class, at the gym. It was a spinning class, which is cycling. It was INSANE. I couldn't do most of the standing parts, I could barely keep up... in fact, I pretty much didn't keep up. It was 60 minutes of sweating and leg pain. It was also, quite literally, a pain in my butt. I don't think they could have made the seats on those bikes any more uncomfortable!!

It was fun though, they played really loud music and everyone was so nice. Plus, I had an old friend with me, so that helped.

Despite the fact that I really, really sucked at it, I'm still happy I went. Still feeling pretty proud of myself! I can't wait to try the kickboxing class! Another class where I will fall behind, look a fool, sweat butt off, and realize just how out of shape I am. Yes, I really am looking forward to it.

This stuff is hard, but worth it.

I'm noticing differences already. Small things. I'm sleeping better, much better. I all asleep earlier and stay asleep, and I can tell I'm sleeping well. My mood seems to be better. My headaches are almost completely gone, and I've recovered a lot from my first work out... I can now make it down the stairs without hobbling like an injured 105 year old lady.

I'm eating better, still haven't had any pop (or soda, depending on where you're from). Oh, and just to clarify... I am NOT giving up caffeine completely. Just the pop. I was drinking it all day, every day. I've replaced it with water! But, I'm still drinking my coffee. I will NOT give up my coffee!!! I'm pretty sure the horrible headaches were due to sugar withdrawal more than anything. That, and I have drastically cut back the caffeine, while not giving it up altogether. I am also making sure I get the coffee out of the way early in the day.

I've been less anxious, too.

i'm still planning on doing the couch to 5k program, but I am putting it on hold until the weather gets better. There really isn't anywhere for me to run safely right now. Too much snow, and ice, and slush. It just keeps snowing and snowing, and I am SO ready for summer.

I still can't believe how well I am doing with all of this. It isn't easy, but I'm still motivated and determined. It isn't even so much to lose weight, though that is a small part of it. I just want to be healthy. I want to have fun and be active, and feel good about myself.

Right now? I also want a hot bath. Filled with Epsom salts. Because Epsom salt is my new BFF.

Her Name is Norma, Norma the Guitar.

2010-02-25T17:38:00.006-05:00

Look what I got!

It's guitar! I found it at goodwill for a really, really good price!! It needs cleaned, and needs new strings, but I think it will do just nicely.

I have always wanted to learn how to play. I used to be able to play a few songs, I had friends who played and they would show me how to play. And I played! We also played guitar in music class in Jr. High, and I did pretty well.

I'm not sure why I waited until I was 30 to actually try to learn how play and read music. But, better late than never!

It says Norma on her neck, so, I named her Norma. I'm a dork like that!

Torture Chamber Gym...

2010-02-24T14:00:00.003-05:00

I'm back from the gym, after taking the day off yesterday. No trainer today, and I think I was a little easier on myself than I should have been. In my defense, at least I went. Plus, I'm still really, really sore from Monday. Also, I didn't know what to do!!

I know for strength training, I need to work different parts of the body different days. I don't know most of the equipment, which parts to work together, how much weight or how many reps, how many pieces of equipment to do in one visit, etc. Sigh. I wish I could have afforded to sign up for the trainer for a while.

I tried doing some research, looking for free plans online, and couldn't seem to find what I was looking for. I need something that is going to tell me to do this machine, this machine, and that machine on this day with this much weight and this many reps, and how the hell to USE the machine! Haha. And then tell me when to increase reps or weight or whatever.

Strength training, from what I have learned, is important. Yes, you need cardio. I know how to do cardio. So many options. But I'm lost with the weights and what not. Even the one session I did have, left me with more questions than answers. I bet they do that on purpose, to get you to sign up and pay for more training!!

Today I did a little bit of the strength training. Some arm things and shoulder things, and some ab thing. Then I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. Walking. And that' it. But, it's something!!

I can still barely walk down the damn steps. It's ridiculous, really. One day for working out and for days I can't walk down steps without wincing in pain??

The good news is, my headache seems to be gone for now! Such a good sign. Still haven't had a drop of pop. Drinking lots of water!! And eating better, too. In fact, right now I am having a lean turkey sandwich, on whole wheat bread, with tomato and brown mustard, no cheese. And cucumber slices on the side. And water!!

Well, if anyone can point me the direction of some (free) info and really good beginner strength training work out plans, let me know!

And thanks for all the support!! I feel so much better even knowing I have taken this step!

Owwwww.

2010-02-23T22:10:00.003-05:00

My legs are killing me, my head is killing me. I haven't had a drop of Mt. Dew, or any other pop or soda or whatever you call it, for 2 days now. It's making my head very angry and my head is taking it out on me, in the form of very severe pain. And my legs, Ugggh, did I mention my legs? They hurt. Baaaaad. Very bad.

That is all.

Getting My Ass Kicked!!

2010-02-22T13:49:00.002-05:00

In a good way! Guess what I did today!! I WENT TO THE GYM!!!

I've had this gym membership for months, months. And I hadn't gone at all. Until today! I had a free session with a personal trainer, too. And WOW. I wish I could afford to have a personal trainer all the time!!

It was brutal while I was doing it, but man, I feel soooooo much better now. I feel proud for actually going to the gym, as silly as that sounds. I went. Yay me! And I feel proud that I actually did what he wanted me to do. It was awful, and I would have given up, and not pushed myself at all, if he hadn't been there. And I feel good because, you know, exercise and endorphins and all that crap.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sore. I will be even more sore tomorrow, I'm sure. But I DID IT! Woohoo. I am more motivated than ever to stick with it now.

I really, really want to do kick boxing. I feel like, I'm probably not going to be able to do it right away. It's intense, it's hard, and I learned just how horribly out of shape I really am today. But I want to try, and keep going, and stick with it. The kick boxing classes there are included in my membership. The trainer I was with today said he can do some boxing with me, too. One on one, more at my pace at first. But I'd need to sign up for the trainer program.

I want to do that, but ugggh, money! It always comes down to money. I think it would be really good for me, to have a trainer. Even if it's just once a month. But it's expensive. I might be able to swing it, but coming up with the initial sign up fee will be tough. And not sure I could justify that to my hubby.

The trainers know stuff, though. They design programs, and track your progress, and make changes based on your needs, they keep you motivated and pumped up, etc etc etc. There are all these routines, and you have to build muscle in order to burn more calories, blah blah blah... it all seems sort of complicated. It would be nice to have a set plan, you know? Specifically designed for me. And it would be cool to learn how to box. :)

Well, we'll see!

Gah.

2010-02-21T21:49:00.002-05:00

I don't know what my problem is lately. I don't know if it's because I am busy, or tired, or what. But I just can't seem to get into writing anything. I have nothing for you. Nothing interesting, nothing witty. Nothing.

I haven't even had time yet to catch up on all your blogs and lives and writings. Sorry for the lack of comments from me! I will be making my rounds soon, I'm sure. I have to get caught up!

The past few days, it's been like a chore having to take a picture and write in here. And that sucks, because I love blogging and taking pictures. I know this is just a phase, a dry spell, whatever you want to call it. Don't lose interest in me!

:)

Is It Summer Yet?

2010-02-20T23:22:00.002-05:00

Title Schmitle.

2010-02-19T22:58:00.003-05:00

I think I am going to skip NaBloPoMo in March. I will still post regularly, but sometimes I'm busy and tired, and I just don't have anything to say! Like tonight! It's already 11:00 PM and I still have to post this blog and take a photo.

I'm going to play some Guitar Hero with my husband now... I will probably take a pic of him playing the cheesy fake guitar. Haha.

A few little updates. I might have to put C25k on hold for a bit. Too much snow and slush, not a lot of clear roads. I don't know. We'll see. I'm still pretty excited about doing it, so don't take that to mean I am procrastinating, I'm not!

I'm thinking about buying Wii Fit. It's kind of expensive, but it seems like it would be fun, and another way to exercise. I've been wanting it for a while.

And, on May 15th our local flight training center at the county airport is hosting a Learn to Fly day!! It's basically an open house, with information, seminars, contests, and discounted discovery flights! you ave to get tickets, but they are free. They are available March 1st and I can't wait!

Well, hopefully I will be more in the mood to write tomorrow. I need to get caught up on all my favorite blogs, too! I haven't had a chance to visit them for a while. I need some relaxing, blog reading "me" time!

Sometimes, I Think Too Much.

2010-02-18T22:09:00.003-05:00

Crazy people, like the guy who flew the plane into the IRS building in Austin today... How is it that someone IS that nuts? Is it some kind of physical defect they are born with, is it something they know all along even if other people might not see it? Is it caused by some kind of outside factor, like the perfect storm of environmental circumstances? Is it a dormant thing, that they don't even realize is there until it's too late and they can't control themselves? Or can anyone just... snap? Like, something could short circuit in any of our brains at any time and just like that, we're on the news and people are gasping and shocked and questioning...

Such a sad, sad thing. His poor family, his poor daughter. And a miracle it wasn't worse than it was.

365 Photos - Days 43 - 48

2010-02-17T23:23:00.002-05:00

To see each image individually, just click on these links:

1. Day 43/365, 2. Day 44/365, 3. Day 45/365, 4. Day 46/365, 5. Day 47/365, 6. Day 48/365

Or visit my Flickr Page or my ShutterCal!

Step by Step (ooh baby...)

2010-02-16T14:05:00.004-05:00

Yes, I totally titled today's blog post with a NKOTB song. SO? It's fitting. Remember my post yesterday? I think I had an o.k. first day. Not the best, but it's a start.

First of all, I have decided to take Christie's advice and try the Couch to 5k program. I've heard of this before, one of my co-workers did it. I'm pretty excited. I've been downloading music for my mp3 player, and I'm going to buy a spiffy new pair of running shoes this weekend. I might try the first few days without the running shoes, since there isn't a whole lot of running yet.

I've had a killer headache all day, and didn't start yet, but I'm going to. Either tomorrow or Thursday!

I am also going to start going to Yoga again. I haven't gone in a while, and I LOVE Yoga, but never did it consistently enough. Hopefully that will change!

I feel like I need to ween myself off of the Mountain Dew. If I quit it cold turkey, I will have massive headaches, trust me, I've tried it before. I had half a can today, but that was it! Which is amazing for me. I also had 2 cups of black coffee and... oh, yeah... a jelly donut. Well, baby steps, right?? Besides, it's Fat Tuesday, I was at my parents for breakfast and they were practically shoving it down my throat. Haha.

For lunch I had a Salad!! AND WATER! Excited about the water. I drank a whole bottle of water! I did have a chocolate covered pretzel after the salad... but only one!! I plan on drinking more water throughout the day, of course. Possible another sip or two of Mt. Dew.

I work tonight, so I will be getting my Starbucks Latte. But I am going to drink a bottle of water after, instead of the bottle of Mt. Dew I would normally drink.

For dinner, I plan on having sushi. It's super healthy, and I LOVE sushi.

I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get any exercise today, but I feel like I am making progress, and it's only day 1 after all!

As for the smoking thing, I'm not ready to tackle that just yet. But I feel like I will be ready very, very soon. I'm giving it more serious thought than I have in a long time. So that's a good sign.

I just really, really hope this headache goes away. It's a hormonal headache, probably a menstrual migraine, I get them every month and it suuuucks, because I can never find anything that works on these monsters.

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement!

I Need your Help!

2010-02-15T19:12:00.003-05:00

I've decided that I really, really need to change my lifestyle. I am the most unhealthy person you Will EVER MEET. I'm not even joking. Here we go, I'm going to be honest and lay it all out for you, because I feel like I can use this blog to help me grow as a person, but that will only work if I am honest. So here it is.

I smoke. I know this makes me a bad parent. I know it does, and I hate that. I am embarrassed by the fact that I smoke, I don't tell any other moms. I don't smoke in the house, but still. It's in my clothes, the car, and it is SO not setting a good example for my daughter. I did NOT smoke ONE cigarette the whole time I was pregnant, by the way. But, there it is. I smoke, and I hate it, but... I love it, and I have tried to quit sooooo many times. I don't feel like I can handle quitting.

I suffer from depression. I know, don't we all? I have been on and off meds since I was a teenager. I am currently off, and I like it that way. I'm not always depressed, I just occasionally get depressive episodes, and typically in the winter.

I live on Coffee and Mt. Dew. Yeah. I pretty much NEVER drink water. It's so horrible, isn't it? And I love, love, love, love the really unhealthy, fattening sugar filled, flavored lattes. Mmmmm. I am just as much a caffeine addict as I am a nicotine addict.

My eating habits SUCK. I love chocolate, chips, snack foods, foods you can dip, junk food, cheese cake, fast food, french fries.

I get pretty much NO exercise. None. Even when I play Wii I am usually playing Super Mario or Guitar Hero, instead of the active games. I spend too much time playing video games and on the computer. Yes, I work and clean and I do sometimes walk to take photos, and I have been known to hit up an occasional Yoga class, but that's it.

I am 30 years old, my metabolism is going downhill fast, I am 5'4 and I weigh 167 lbs. Do you know how hard it was for me to write that here? My weight?

I want to be skinny, and active. I want to eat healthy, do yoga, have energy. I want to be HEALTHY. I need to change drastically, my WHOLE LIFESTYLE. It isn't going to be easy, I know. So I need you, my loyal readers, to help me... motivate me! Hold me accountable! YELL AT ME!! Give me advice, tips. Tell me about websites, or blogs that will help. Forums or maybe some kind of blogger project I could join in on. SOMETHING!!

Just please, don't tell me about Sparkpeople. I have signed up and I hate it. It's too involved and confusing, too hard for me to keep up with.

I am going to use my blog for keeping track of my progress. Wish me luck!!! I'm gonna NEED IT!!!!

Oatmeal, Tea, Lemon, Honey

2010-02-15T12:08:00.002-05:00

No, not a recipe!

I feel like a teenager again. Because of my SKIN. Uggh.

It looks bad. Really bad. Acne, red blotches, scars, inflammation.

I've never had the best skin, but this is just ridiculous.

So I've been researching some home treatments. Oatmeal masks, steamed tea bags, lemon juice, honey. Tried the oatmeal and tea bags, and now I am typing this with dabs of honey all over my face.

I really just want to redness and grossness to go away!! It isn't helping my state of mind these days!!

There are a lot of things I need to get done, must find the motivation to do them. Maya's room looks like world war 3, for one thing. I usually either just clean it myself or help her clean it, but I think I am going to make her do it this time. We need to clean out her fish's bowl, too. She has a Beta fish named Thunder who seems to be quite invincible!

There's laundry to do, our room. The downstairs is fine, we did a lot of that over the weekend. The bedrooms disaster zones!

Maya is off school again today, and I think I need to leave the house. She has $20 burning a hole in her pocket, and she is just dying to buy a Super Mario Wii guide / cheat book. I feel like it's a silly thing for her to spend her money on but she has wanted it for a long time now, and the game store is right by the starbucks... I could really go for some starbucks!!

I still haven't given my Hubby his Valentine's Day card. I feel awkward and silly now, I don't know. I want to thank you guys for leaving such wonderful comments about V Day and all my whining and all the compliments! Cheered me up!

And to answer one of the questions, no, I don't think my Hubby reads my blog. He could, it's not a secret or anything. I just don't think he does.

For my photo of the day yesterday, I was going to take that just looked like nothing... all black, nothing there, just an empty space, and title it: "What I Got for Valentine's Day" hahahaha.... but I didn't. Couldn't bring myself to do it, as funny as that would have been!

Sigh.

2010-02-14T21:37:00.000-05:00

Don't feel much like writing anything. I've been pretty depressed and tired today. Feeling like I'm being ridiculous, but can't help that I feel kind of hurt.

I know we can't really afford some big, fancy dinner date right now.

But cards aren't expensive.

Anyway, I'm depressed and feeling icky to begin with. I might as well just lay it all down, this is my blog after all. I feel ugly, fat, lazy, worthless, and I'm having a very bad day. It isn't because I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day, Let's be honest, I wasn't expecting anything anyway.

But I think it would have helped, a little. Ya know?

I have a card that I bought for him, in my purse. I don't want to give it to him, because I know from experience that it will just be awkward and make him feel bad. No sense in both of us feeling bad. So I will leave it there, and pretend like today is just any other day, because really, it is.

Don't mind me. Just a bad day. I'm sure I will be back to my usual, chipper self in no time.

So, Tomorrow...

2010-02-13T22:20:00.002-05:00

... is Valentine's Day.

I know there are a lot of mixed feelings about this holiday, everyone seems to have an opinion. Some people think it's a consumer holiday, for the profit of the greeting card companies, florists, chocolate companies, etc. This might be true. I personally don't really care if Hallmark makes a few extra (million) bucks, and locally owned and operated florists could probably use the business. So no, I am not one of those people who protest the holiday for this (or any) reason.

I saw a post on FB recently about Valentine's Day being stupid because "Chocolate makes you fat, cards collect dust and eventually get thrown away, flowers die..." or something to that effect. Also valid points, I guess I just look at it differently.

Most single people hate Valentine's Day, because it serves as another reminder of their loneliness and heartache. Not ALL single people, I'm sure.

And then there are the people who LOVE Valentine's Day. I fit into this category... kind of.

I'm a romantic at heart, I love love, I love flowers and chocolate hearts and sappy cards and funny cards and stuffed bears holding stuffed hearts, I love cheesy love letters and surprise dates and romantic getaways and those really really huge cards they sell at Hallmark and Rite Aid. I don't care so much about really expensive jewelry, and it doesn't have to a dozen exotic roses or a date to a restaurant that costs $200.

I just like the idea of... being thought of. It's like this: I know my husband loves me. And I love him. We've been through a lot, as most couples have. A lot of ups and downs and good times and bad times and awful times and great times. But sometimes life can start feeling very routine, you know? And you're still in love, and you're not questioning that at all, but it's nice to get that card that says more than just what's printed on it. It says, I was thinking about you, you're important to me, I remembered to do this because if it's important to you it's important to me, I love you so much I wanted to see a smile on your face, you can never be reminded TOO much how much you are loved. It says, this relationship/marriage isn't just a comfortable rut, I still want you to feel special, I still want to impress you, I don't take you for granted.

A cheap card with a heart felt message can do this. A $2.00 single rose from grocery store can do this. A small bag of chocolate hearts can do this.

Not everyone feels like this. Some may think it's stupid, some may not care if they get anything or not, they may just shrug it all off as silly, and think that just because it isn't important to them it isn't important to anyone.

But people who do care, people who love this kind of thing, if married to a person who isn't into that kind of thing, can often be left feeling very disappointed. And you try to rationalize it, you tell yourself it isn't important, that it doesn't mean anything and that it's just a stupid holiday. You try to convince yourself that your feelings of disappointment are silly. It doesn't usually work. You feel forgotten, taken for granted, unimportant.

You hear from your friends about all the romantic things their significant others did for them, you read all their love filled ooey gooey facebook statuses about how romantic their day was, about how surprised they were and how in love they are and how happy they are and how lucky they are, you hear about roses and flowers and chocolates, you hear about jewelry and love letters, rose petals and love note scavenger hunts, candles and special dinners and you couldn't even get a stinkin' $3.00 card????

And you think back over all the February 14th's in your past. You remember a few times that you went out to dinner, after YOU brought it up and arranged baby sitting, an occasional time that HE brought it up, a few occasions where you were surprised... typically right after some major fight or falling out so he was in full impress you mode. But mostly you remember the times is passed like just another day, or the times the only reason you got anything was because you specifically asked.

So you begin to just expect nothing.

It gets to be the night before Valentine's Day, and you start getting sad because you're fairly certain that it is going to be just another day. Because it just isn't important, even though it is to you.

And you begin to hope like hell you are wrong.

Oh No....

2010-02-12T23:58:00.000-05:00

It's 11:59!! I made it! I started typing this at 11:58. WHEW.

And this is the extent of my blog post for February 12th, 2010. Hey, I didn't blow NaBloPoMo. So GO ME!!

365 Project Updates!

2010-02-11T23:16:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated any of my 365 Project photos for a while, so here we go!

Day 33/365 ~ Charming!
My daughter's charm bracelet, because isn't is pretty?

Day 34/365 ~ Good Fortune
This? Is so true!

Day 35/365 ~ Color
Beautiful flowers,in a flower shop... because all I see outside are the colors white and gray.

Day 36/365 ~ Primanti Bros Sandwich!
For those of you who are not from Pittsburgh: Yes, french fries and coleslaw on a sandwich. SO. YUMMY.

Day 37/365 ~ Snow Day!
The first day of the now infamous Blizzard of 2010.

Day 38/365 ~ And, More Snow.

Day 39/365 ~ Frost Bite
The frost was soooo pretty on all of the tree tops!

Day 40/365 ~ The World
Maya and I put together this globe puzzle during one of our many snowed in days.

Day 41/365 ~ Kid at Play!
She made a carnival on the coffee table. I <3 her imagination!

Day 42/365 ~ Moxie Girl on the Tech Deck Skate ramp with Squishy Animals.
'Nuff Said.

Wow, that's a lot of photos! Maybe I better not wait so long to post them next time!

Snot, Snot, and More Snot.

2010-02-10T20:54:00.000-05:00

My snot topic was so popular yesterday that I decided use it in the title of this post. I am still sick, yuck. I think it may be getting better, but we'll see. Ok, well the rest of this post doesn't have much to do with snot. In fact, it's almost a repeat of random Tuesday, just a hodge podge of everything!

Maya doesn't have school tomorrow. Again. She has been off all week! I don't think she will be back until Tuesday, unless they use Monday for a make up day. Which means no Valentine's Day party, which sucks because I love buying stuff for Valentine's Day! I love helping her make Valentines, putting together treat bags, yadda yadda yadda. Maybe we will get lucky and they will reschedule the party? I hope so!

Maya is 9 and has recently been given her own E-Mail account, closely moderated of course. She has since been e-mailing everyone, her grandparents, her cousins, me
(when I am at work - it goes right to my phone) and her dad (when he is at work). It's pretty cute! she hijacks my laptop constantly! But it's still very cute.

Do you think she is too young for a Net Book? Haha. By the way, I DO think she is too young for a Net Book. And a cell phone. Although, as far as the cell phone thing goes, I suppose a case could be made for safety reasons... ah well. She isn't getting one, regardless!

And now, here's a hint about tomorrow's blog post: I will be ranting and and venting about something that really, really irritated me today!

P.S. Let me know what you think of the new layout. I can't decide if I like it or not!

It's the Nyquil Talking.

2010-02-09T23:04:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right. I am writing this weeks edition of Random Tuesday in a Nyquil induced stupor. I took it like, over an hour ago. Yeah. I feel like I'm drunk and going to pass out on the keyboard at any second, so bear with me if this is completely, uh, incoherent. Good thing it's Random Tuesday, eh?

I have a cold. A very nasty, yucky, snotty, coughy (is that even a word? Well, it is now!) cold. At least now you know I don't just take Nyquil for the fun of it, anyway. Well, not often that is...

(Totally joking about that one)

(Or am I?)

(YES YES, I am!)

Things are still a snowy, slushy, cold and icky mess around here. It was kind of fun at first, and the picture taking was just awesome. But I'm so over it now. I need green grass and hot sunshine beating down on my face. I need short sleeves and flip flops. Swimming pools and Sun Screen. I am officially THROUGH with Winter. Hear that, Winter?? I AM DONE WITH YOU! GO AWAY! SCAT! GET OUT!

I freakin' LOVE banana chips. (This random thought brought to you by: The fact that I am, at this very minute, eating banana chips, and the fact that in my Nyquil induced stupor I actually think you might care).

I think that maybe I have given you all more than enough random thoughts for now. I'm going to bed, and here's hoping I don't wake up with snot all over my damn pillow. Again. (Ew).

Edited to Add: Oh, so I just noticed that the theme for this week's Random Tuesday is suppose to be Awesome. So, talking about snot is awesome, right? Right! Goodnight!

I Needed A Little Sunshine!

2010-02-08T15:50:00.000-05:00

Check it out! I got my very first ever blog award! Yay!! Thank you to Christie over at The Introvert Mom for passing this a long to me!

Now I have to pass it along to 12 blogs, and picking just 12 is going to be tough, for sure! Here we go:

The rules for accepting this:
Put the logo on your blog or within your post (right click and save),
Pass the award onto 12 bloggers,
Link the nominees within your post,
Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

I'm awarding the following blogs:

The Mind of ~Ifer
Bats! Meow...
In The Mix
Mommy's journey
Our Little Slice of Army Life
Stay At Home Mayhem
Family of Shorts
The Thought Bubble
My Beautiful Life
La Vida Dulce
Purplume's Blog
Hoey!Critic

There are still a lot of other blogs that I have just been LOVING. The internet is such an inspiring place sometimes! Next time I get an award, hopefully there will be a next time! I am going to give it the ones I didn't get to.

Thanks again, Christie!

Hello From Beautiful SnowBurgh!

2010-02-07T21:12:00.000-05:00

They finally plowed our street today. A lot of roads in and around the PGH area still have not been plowed, which is just crazy! It took forever to dig out our car, shovel the huge wall of snow separating our driveway from the road, but we were finally able to leave the house today, even if it was only for a short time. We took a little ride into Monroeville to check things out. Some main roads are still nasty, some are fine. There are a TON of people without power in the region, some were told not to expect it to be restored until Friday. Friday!

Non essential government offices are closed tomorrow, schools closed, and people urged NOT to go anywhere unless it's absolutely necessary. Companies are being told to evaluate how essential it is for them to be open. The National Guard is coming! People are in shelters and "warming centers" and this whole thing is just crazy.

Read a little about it here: City of Pittsburgh | Snowstorm Emergency.

And guess what? MORE SNOW coming Tuesday and Wednesday! yay! NOT!

Photos of the Pittsburgh Snowpocalypse!

2010-02-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

Our street? STILL hasn't been plowed. Nobody can go anywhere! It's nuts. Beautiful, but nuts! I'm so happy we have electricity, because so many in this area don't right now. This was a quick post, so I'm off to read your blogs now! <3

Holy Snow, Batman!

2010-02-05T23:33:00.000-05:00

Before I get into my post for tonight, I want to say a heartfelt thank you to those reading my blog and for all of your comments! They mean a lot to me, I love the interaction and it's very uplifting and motivating to see them, read them. I've noticed a few questions and I have some answers, as well as some comments in response to some things said, and I will be addressing these things tomorrow! I haven't had much time for anything lately, looking forward to catching up on all my fave blogs tomorrow!

Now, this isn't going to much a post because A) I'm exhausted, not feeling too well, need sleep. And B) My brain is fried from reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Haha. So instead, I give you some photos.

Keep in mind when viewing these photos, that we still have a good 12 hours of snowstorm left. I just took these about 20 minutes ago.

My front porch:

My back door:

And now, I'm going to cuddle up under my nice, warm blankets and hope like hell the electricity doesn't go out in the middle of the night. Fellow Pittsburghers and People in the North East: Stay safe, and stay home if you can!!

Blah, Blah, Blog.

2010-02-04T22:53:00.000-05:00

It's days like today that make participating in NaBloPoMo hard. I have to blog every day, and it's a goal I'd like to accomplish, but some days I just don't feel like blogging. I'm tired, I had a very, very long day. I've been on the run from the time I woke up, very early I might add, until right now. And right now, I want to go to sleep! But here I am, blogging about how I don't feel like blogging, because I don't want to fail NaBloPoMo. It's all kind of silly, really.

I have not started this blog post out with any particular goal, theme, direction. Just typing to see where it goes.

I wonder why I want to blog every day. I really think this blog will help me, can be a great outlet for all the stuff that spins around and around in my head all day long. Maybe give me some new insights into myself, or just act as a place where I can vent freely. I don't blog because I think I am some great writer with a lot of profound things to teach the world, I don't do it to entertain, well not usually. I do it for myself.

But I also like the sense of community in the blogging world, I like reading other blogs and seeing those small connections we can all make. I might write something once in a while that my readers can relate to, and I read a lot of things on other blogs that I can relate to, and it's a wonderful thing, really.

There are benefits, for sure. NaBloPoMo is a way to keep me motivated, I suppose. I like challenges, sometimes. Even ones that may seem mundane to some.

Anyway, on another note, I am still doing my 365 photo project. I'm just not updating them every day. I thought that maybe once a week I will post my photos for that week. And as for my 100 books in 2010, I started late so I am only on my 2nd book. I'm currently reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I'm waiting until I'm done with the book to post my thoughts on it.

Thank you to those who recommended books to me! Some I have already read, others not. I'm getting a nice list going!

And now, sleep.

I Want to Fly.

2010-02-03T14:14:00.000-05:00

I mean this in the most literal sense, not figuratively. I really, really want to fly. I have wanted to fly since I was a kid, or at the very least since my early teens. Lately I have been obsessing about it even more than usual. I am 30 years old now, I can't bear the thought of being 90 and laying on mu death bed filled with regrets of all the things I never did. There was a quote I heard somewhere, a long time ago, I'm not sure where I heard it, and it went something like this: When I am an old woman, lying on my death bed, I would rather regret the things I did than the things I didn't do. Or something like that, I'm paraphrasing there. You get the idea, though.

And you know what? I am GOING to fly. I am.

There are a few road blocks, sure. Money is the biggest issue. Flight school is expensive. I would be willing to take that chance, sign up and pay as I go... a class here and there every so often, a little at a time. It might take me longer, sure. But I would be DOING it.

Another issue would be my husbands fear of heights and flying. Sure, he wouldn't be the one in the airplane, but I think he tends to project his fear onto me, or to fear FOR me, and his fear translates itself to a fear of losing ME. Which I completely understand, I get it. He is my husband, he loves me, he cares about me, he wouldn't want to lose me to his biggest fear. He won't tell me no, he knows better than to stand in my way or "forbid" me from doing anything. He would worry, but he would be ok, he would deal with it. Would it make me a selfish bitch if I did it anyway?? He doesn't want to stand in the way of my dream, but I know he doesn't want me to do it. How selfish would I be to do it anyway? This is a toughie because yes, I love my husband, and yes, I respect him. But this is a dream I have had forever! And yes, I could die in plane crash, but you know what? I could die in a car crash, I could get hit by a bus, I could get cancer....

The rest of my family for the most part knows this dream of mine. Maybe not so much my in laws, but my parents do. My father is more supportive than my mother, which is typically the case... but that's a another blog post, for another day. They do feel it would be foolish to spend that kind of money, when we really are not in a place in our lives to be spending that kind of money. Another blog post, for yet another day. I'm pretty sure that a lot of people in my family, my husbands family, would throw their hands in the air at the foolishness of it all. I think I could live with this. But what if it is foolish? Sigh. All I know is, I'm not getting any younger, the years are flying by faster and faster (no pun intended) and it makes me sad, and anxious, and almost more determined than ever.

Even my daughter got freaked out and nervous at the thought of her mother flying an airplane.

I don't want to fly commercial jets. I just want to fly!

They have something called a Discovery Flight, where you go up in a airplane... Probably a Cessna.. with licensed, certified pilot instructor. IT costs around $100 - $150. They let you take control of the airplane, and the flight lasts about an hour. It's something they offer to anyone, mostly for potential students to do before they sign up and commit to anything, to make sure they like it. I will like it, I just know it. I will LOVE it. This is something I am definitely, 100% for sure doing this spring. Worst case scenario, I never overcome all the road blocks but I do the discovery flight. Then I have flown an airplane, I can cross it off my bucket list, even if it was just a one time deal.

I'm not too down with worst case scenarios, though. ;)

100 Books in 2010

2010-02-02T22:47:00.003-05:00

This year I am taking the 100 books in 2010 challenge!! This shouldn't be too difficult for me, but I am starting late so, we'll see! I will put a link directly to this post on my sidebar, and update this page each time I finish a book. And please, if anyone has any recommendations for me, don't hesitate to let me know!

**Please Note: Be careful clicking on the links if you think you may read any of these, as some of them may contain spoilers.**

Book 1/100: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski.
Oh. My. I LOVED this book. This book isn't for everyone. It's awesomely complicated, bizarre, full of deeper meanings (or is it?), hidden codes, symbolism, and just... nuts! I linked the title to the Wikipedia page because it's more helpful in understand just what this book is all about. If you have read it or plan to, let me know! I'd love to discuss it!

Book 2/100: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig.
Wow. Just... wow. I have a love/hate relationship with this book. As I was reading, at times I thought that it was just ridiculous and why should anyone think about anything that deeply? Other times it really made me think, in a good way. At times I was sucked in and couldn't put it down, other times I had to force myself to continue reading it. I'm very, very happy I read this book, but I honestly don't think I would read it again!

Book 3/100: The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall.
I liked this one. It didn't make me think as hard as the last 2 books I read, but still made me think. It moved a lot quicker, and had me drawn in more. Was a little on the weird side, but I like that!

Book 4/100: The dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst.
A very, very depressing book! Very sad, poetically written, easy to read but so, so sad!!

Book 5/100: The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx.
I love the way this book was written. It was poetic, and very originally descriptive. Because I don't have that talent, that is the only way I know how to describe it! It was a tad on the boring side, as far as the plot goes. The wording more than made up for that, and it did suck me in, in an unusual kind of way.

In case you couldn't tell, I am running very behind on this. I still feel I can meet this goal, though!!

Feel free to check back often to check in on my progress! I need to get my butt in gear and find more books now!

Randomness!

2010-02-02T10:51:00.000-05:00

I'm going to give this Random Tuesday thing a try. I love the idea of having an excuse to write something completely disjointed with no real rhyme or reason, no plot or flow, no real point. This is what I do best, after all!

First random thought. I have a secret, I LOVE Lady GaGa. LOVE her. This is coming from the girl who spent her adolescence - grew from child to woman - immersed in 90's alternative, grunge, and punk music. Nirvana, REM, Tori Amos, The Ramones, you get the picture. I was never a Britney fan, I never like rap or hip hop, I was almost a snob when it came to my music.

Now I'm 30, and LADY GAGA?? Really?? But, I can't help it. I like her. Sigh.

Another random thought. I need more coffee. and chocolate. CHOCOLOATE. COFFEE. And have I mentioned that I have the best husband in the whole, wide world? (Coffee, chocolate...). That random thought is brought to you by "I really hope my husband reads my blog..." ;)

I am on a ROLL with this random thought thing! Let's see, what next... oh yeah. Does anyone else have an unhealthy obsession with The Gilmore Girls? I have seen every episode ever, and yet I almost always watch the reruns on ABC Family. I love Lorelei. I want to BE Lorelei. It would be pretty awesome if my daughter turned out like Rory, although, I don't know who in my family would pay for her to go to yale... hmmm...

Last random thought. I will probably lose readers over this, I may even be banned from the internet for life, but here it goes, another shocking revelation... I am NOT watching LOST tonight. That's right. I have no interest, I have never seen a single episode, and I don't care. GASP. It's true, and I'm sorry. No, actually I'm not sorry.

This Random Tuesday thing was fun, let's do it again next week, shall we?

Project 365 - Day 32

2010-02-01T19:14:00.001-05:00

Maya. <3

Who is this Java Mama, Anyway?

2010-02-01T11:20:00.001-05:00

I have been away from the world of blogging for a while now, so I figured I might as well start over, introduce myself! Some of you may remember me from my old blog, "Not Another Mom Blog!" that was, indeed, another mom blog.

The basics are: My name is Mandy, I just turned 30 (eeep!), I am married and I have a 9 year old daughter named Maya. Yes, I was young when I had her... 20. She is my whole world, and a pretty awesome kid if I do say so myself!

Maya is quite the goofball! She is in 3rd grade, loves to draw, color, read, loves puzzles and music, has her own guitar and drum set, loves to play outdoors, does really (really!) well in school, and even went to a Social Distortion concert with her dad. Yep, she is that cool.

My hubby is Brian. 34 years old, an amazing father, my best friend. Lover of punk music, hockey, and video games.

As for me, Well... I am hopelessly addicted to coffee and books and photography, I have 5 tattoos and small stud in my nose, I work part time in the photo lab of a local camera shop, I am a freelance news photographer for a few local papers, I love an assortment of music, I am very liberal in my politics, I am not a morning person, I love Lomography, scrapbooking (though I haven't done that in a while), roller coasters, I have always wanted to learn how to fly and have a deep admiration for Amelia Earhart.

And I love my pink Chucks :)

I'm not always the most interesting blogger. I don't claim to be some amazing writer, or overly if at all witty. Mostly you will get tid bits of my daily life, lots of photos, typical crap like that. I love the blogging community and I love interaction, so hopefully you will keep coming back! Please don't hesitate to leave me comments or follow me!

365 Project - January 2010

2010-02-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

I will be posting all my photos for my 365 photo project to my blog from now on. Here are the photos from January, since these were done before I started this blog!

1. Day 1/365, 2. Day 3/365, 3. Day 2/365, 4. Day 4/365, 5. Day 5/365, 6. Day 6/365, 7. Day 7/365, 8. Day 8/365, 9. Day 9/365, 10. Day 10/365, 11. Day 11/365, 12. Day 12/365, 13. Day 13/365, 14. Day 14/365, 15. Day 15/365, 16. Day 16/365, 17. Day 17/365, 18. Day 18/365, 19. Day 19/365, 20. Day 20/365, 21. Day 21/365, 22. Day 22/365, 23. Day 23/365, 24. Day 24/365, 25. Day 25/365, 26. Day 26/365, 27. Day 27/385, 28. Day 29/365, 29. Day 28/365, 30. Day 30/365, 31. Day 31/365

And so, I blog again.

2010-01-31T22:30:00.000-05:00

I used to blog ALL THE TIME. I had a mommy blog, a photo blog, a political blog, blah blah blah... now, I am just going to blog for me! A mish mash of everything, all here in one place. A place to express myself, vent my frustrations and fears, post my photos and network with my peers.

I am not fabulous and witty, like some of the more popular bloggers out there. I am not a top notch writer, and my life isn't even all that interesting. Everyone needs an outlet, so, this is mine. My little home on the net!

I look forward to browsing new blogs, joining some groups and oh how I missed all those photo memes!!

This blog needs a lot of work, things will be added and changed and so on and so forth... lots of work needs done, and I have to say, I am looking forward to it. I have some things going on in my life right now, and could use a little distraction.

I think now, I need... SLEEP!